Everybody hates their cellphone carrier. High rates for inferior products, shitty customer service, and reception that fails when you need it most.
Worst of all, those inconvenient phone store hours.
Combine the latter with the crankiest senior citizen since Vicki Lawrence’s ‘Mama’ and you’re bound to have a mess.
Just ask the staff at the Verizon store in the North Hills shopping center in Raleigh, NC. They found out the hard way that one ignores irate, irrational phone-deprived old men at one’s own peril.
On July 26th, 74-year-old Charles Michael Hager’s phone wasn’t working, and neither were the six staff members in the store, it being a bit after the store’s 8 PM closing time.
Most of us would just curse volubly and stalk away, but one look at the sheer unfettered determination on the face in the accompanying mugshot and you know this isn’t a guy that’s gonna take ‘no’ for an answer. Or let a little thing like a locked door stop him.
After giving the cell store staff fair warning, shouting “My damn phone’s not working. I need help. Open this damn door!” and not receiving the response he wanted, Hager acted with the decisiveness and efficacy that one would expect from his generation.
Returning to his Volkswagen Jetta, Hager did what any seemingly-demented senior would do (and others have): he plowed right the hell through the locked door and into the store.
Amazingly enough, no one was injured, not even the pissed-off pilot of the thin-skinned German store-torpedo, although there was no word on how many Verizon staff members had to change their drawers after the store was breached.
Seniors tire easily, though, and Hager was all tuckered out after his big day of vehicular mayhem. Backing his gasoline-powered battering ram back out of the building was about all he had left in him; exiting the vehicle, he loitered quietly until the nice policemen came to get him for nap time.
When he wakes up, there will be a nice surprise waiting for him. Six shiny new “assault with a dangerous weapon” charges- one for each Verizon minion he menaced with his machine- and a bonus charge for the property damage.
You might be saying “at least he didn’t kill anyone.” Tell that to the poor puppy that was tied to his bumper.
No, I’m kidding about that part.