Brian Keith Fisher needs relationship help.
The 39-year-old doesn’t have the first clue about women, love, or how to get the latter from the former. The best he could come up with to win that Special Someone over is secret peeping.
He should also probably stop hitting on his friends’ daughters as well.
When the Fuquay-Varina, NC man “expressed romantic feelings” towards his un-named buddy’s 27-year-old daughter, Buddy cut him off short, citing the 12-year difference in their ages.
Buddy probably had additional concerns, like not wanting goofy-looking grandkids, but “you’re too old for Daddy’s Little Girl, you fucking pervert” is the excuse on record.
Rather than taking his friend at his word, Fisher apparently took advantage of a house-sitting gig to make the next move in his romantic pursuit.
He decided to place a hidden camera in his beloved’s bedroom, which was a brilliant move, as nothing will win a woman’s heart, or a reluctant father’s favor, faster than invasion of privacy.
Even more brilliant was his decision to do his perving in a really obvious manner.
The camera that Fisher chose was well-concealed in one of those USB chargers that you plug into a wall outlet. It would work great for monitoring people in a room that they’re not used to being in.
It didn’t work so well in this case, though, as the average person will generally notice the sudden appearance of a strange USB charger in their own bedroom, especially when it is “located on a desk and plugged into an extension cord,” Fisher’s use of furniture for camouflage notwithstanding.
Nobody said Fisher was smart.
It’s not clear how long it took the victim to notice the device, but charging documents cite April 1 to June 29 as the date range of the offenses.
Nobody said she was smart either.
Regardless, she did eventually find the spycam, and she took it right to Daddy, who became really suspicious when he plugged the charger in and an unknown device pinged his wi-fi.
Fisher’s odd behavior after his bountiful booty box went silent cinched things for Dad.
Consultation with the police led them to question Fisher and obtain a search warrant for his house. The exact sequence of events is unclear at this point, but it doesn’t matter; Fisher was screwed on both scores.
Fisher’s interview went poorly. Very poorly. His initial denials of involvement lasted mere “minutes,” then he confessed to the odious acts of online ogling, sealing his fate from a legal point of view.
The search of his residence led to the proverbial final nail in the coffin. Police found the empty packaging from the spy camera, which Fisher’s simple ass apparently kept until he became convinced that the jig was up.
This discovery would earn him the “I Have No Clue About Clues” Double-Dumbass award, as his master plan to destroy the evidence consisted of throwing it in his kitchen trashcan.
Fisher was charged with a felony count of secret peeping and lodged in the Wake County jail with a $5000 bail. As smart as he is, he’ll probably still be there when his trial rolls around.
No word on whether Daddy battened his ears down for him, or if they were already like that.